The constant breaking down and anxiety gets to me. Sometimes I just want to give up, I daydream of the darkness and quiet of death and while I would never indulge in these obscene dreams sometimes they give me peace.
No matter what I do I feel as though i’m doing something wrong, no matter what I do it’s not enough. That’s probably because I always though things would be easy, I was wrong though things are never easy. I wish I knew what I was doing, if I was doing the right things. I’m not doing enough I never have, my depression consumed my life and now i’m fighting this dark feeling that has surrounded me.
I wish I was a stronger person, and that I could help everyone. I know that there’s ways that I can help myself, but if I devote too much time to myself what about everyone else. If I don’t leave time to bring myself to actually do something then I might never be able to bring myself to do it.
Now I may not be a full blown addict, I’ve never sucked a dick for coke, or stolen a bunch of money for a fix. Iv’e never drunk myself to where I got hallucinations. Yet I know that without so many of my fixes I would probably be a better person. I know the amount and time and money I saved would have been incredible.
Now i’m not saying that I don’t agree with some drug use, but there is a point where it becomes obsessive and destructive. A lot of the problems are exacerbated by the laws within society.
SWIM a long time ago realized that the world is a beautiful wonderful place, that is filled with corruption, pain, suffering, and intolerable cruelty. SWIM wondered how things got this way, he quickly realized though that this world would be a difficult place to navigate, and he was going to make many mistakes.
As he went through out the world he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with his life. Whenever he did drugs he felt like he was learning something new. He now tells me that while he enjoyed his experience and that they taught him something about life, he realized he wasted a lot of time and allowed addiction to change his life.
SWIM makes mistakes today. He has always been interested in mind altering drugs; like other kids and was taught in school some of the dangers of drugs, and was told he should never do them. He though about not doing them for awhile, at first is was just a few sipps of his Dad’s beer next minute he smoked a little weed. Then next minute he was selling, even though it was never that much at a time, I don’t think he’s ever even got more then a ounce. I know he wanted to grow marijuana, but every attempt at planting his cannabis seeds ended in disaster.
Now he knows a lot about growing Cannabis each time though he wasn’t probably prepared. Hopefully it becomes legal soon that way we can all grow. Well anyways
Last edited by Joshua D Stewart on June 13, 2015 at 4:58 PM
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I hate waking up, I wake up knowing that today I will try to help again and probably won’t be able to do anything substantial. I get on facebook watch people talk about either how hard everything is, post some jokes, try to raise the facebook mood, updates about what people are doing, and of course people talking about legalizing cannabis. Normally i’ll see another case of police brutality on facebook, that no one around me really talks about. Around this time I might see a political cartoon or a article about another law that is stripping away our freedoms, or another corporation that’s trying to take advantage of people.
All these things that I see, I don’t see anyone
Public education has been stuck in a rut for a long time now. We as a society have been limiting are potentials in classrooms by imposing to many conditions upon student and teachers. Are focus is primarily factored on time. Many know that year long schools do better then traditional schools , but many people find it too demanding.
Many people blame this on standardized testing, lack of time,
Public education can be changed we just need to act
We’ve learned that standardized testing
Money they say is the root of all evil; but iv’e also heard of bad people doing bad things. If you think that the wealth is divided up fairly, i’m probably going to assume that your ill informed and dis-disillusioned. Groups of powerful people control how the world works, what you get to know, what products you have to use, what you see on television, the laws that surround you, they have a hand in every aspect of our life’s.
Most of these people are going to tell you that everything can’t be free. That we must have capitalism, well that is a lie. We have been capable of doing so for a long time now . Technology has come a long way, and has even made it immensely easier. What holds us back is not are physical capability to make it happen, but our nations and cultures differences.